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Well, let me start off by saying that it’s never a good sign if you’re often wondering: “what does it mean” questions whenever he does this or that thing. Men are direct, blunt creatures and will not beat around the bush if they truly want you.

As for looks, it is quite evident how much time and effort women put into looking good, some –sadly- almost to the point of obsession. If you are a man reading this, let me break in some news for you: what may seem seamless, like clear, glowing skin or decent hair, has probably not taken hours, but months of continuous care and grooming on end. This includes even the not so perfect features, such as stray hairs (whether on the face or body), blemished skin, or an imperfect physique. Know that the woman is probably way more bothered and frustrated about these imperfections than you will ever be and that she is very likely working on ‘fixing’ them; that is why your remarks hurt us so much.

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With the tremendous pressure from media, society, our peers, and most importantly, our own selves, the last thing we need is a snarky remark from our love interest, reminding us how unattractive we are no matter how hard we try- at least that’s how it feels. A woman absolutely needs to feel desired and attractive in a relationship for it to work, or else intimacy will be plagued by resentment and insecurity on the woman’s end. So in short, making a woman feel ugly is a surefire way to turn her off, or at least, make her feel very uncomfortable around you.

I have a zero-tolerance policy towards having my appearance rudely criticized by a suitor. Call me a dictator, but whenever that happens, his chances of being with me drop to %0. Why? Because the motive behind these words is rarely ever good, as I will discuss shortly. Many women put up with men who nitpick at their appearance, secretly wishing they were someone else, while they could simply drop them and be with someone who appreciates their beauty and treats them like the goddesses they are.

Without further due, I will discuss potential reasons behind these rude remarks, unwelcome suggestions, and unsolicited advice, along with how to deal with them. Note that the pestering you are experiencing may have a combination of reasons mentioned below:

1- He is Comparing you to Someone Else:

In this potential scenario, he already has someone else in mind or is probably even dating her and is consciously or subconsciously comparing you to her. I remember someone criticizing my posture and how ‘soft’ my arms are once, it sure was an unusual complaint. I am a dance instructor and I work out every day. In fact, I have friends complimenting me on my posture.

I found out later that this guy was dating a female bodybuilder. I mean, to each their own and she is attractive in her own unique way. But it is still unfair to compare us to each other. Have I accepted the insult and pretended everything is okay and just went along, I would have been definitely used and discarded.

In this scenario, the guy is usually a player and is in no shortage of pussy- excuse my French. He’s either wealthy, has prominent status, or all of the above, so he gets to pick and choose from a sea of women. Regardless, you don’t have to subscribe to his BS and be one of the little fishies in his murky sea. You know you are worth more than that.

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2- You’re not his Type:

So maybe there isn’t anyone else in the picture, but maybe you just don’t float his boat. You’re not his type, but he still won’t pass up the opportunity to use you for sex. Be careful.

Here’s a tip for you: instead of trying to change yourself to suit a man’s taste, find a man who loves what you got. Curvy, thin, blonde or brunette, there is a man who adores -even fetishizes- each of these features.

If he likes bananas and you are a peach, neither of you will be satisfied. Find a man who absolutely LOVES peaches! Know your target audience 🙂

3- He is Immature:

I think a lot of cases actually fall under this category. Men generally take much longer developing emotional maturity and social aptness than women.

Especially in the Middle East, where a conservative environment may stunt his emotional growth in dealing with women, a man could simply not have learned how to be a gentleman and treat a woman like a lady.

In addition, the current global trend is towards hyper-individualism, where ‘speaking your truth’ is highly admired despite the consequences. Consumer culture and Neo-Liberalism glorify youth and freedom, pushing people to fight for more ‘rights’ and freedoms without any responsibilities in return.

The result? An entire generation of unemployed basement dwellers, chronic gamers and pornography addicts. Some may be more charming and cultured than others, but they still nevertheless have no idea how to deal with women, let alone grapple with the challenges of modern life.

Therefore, he might wonder why you look like a real woman and not like his favorite videogame character or pornstar. The expectations get more and more ludicrous as social media promotes unrealistic standards, along with the promotion of aggressive methods to reach such standards. So basically, he has a very narrow, uncultured aesthetic taste, dictated to him by media.

Usually, the intent of the immature guy is not malicious. He is just blurting out whatever he’s thinking. I kind of feel sorry towards this category, but it’s nevertheless annoying and sometimes even hurtful as these types of men say the darndest things in the worst timing possible.

3- He is Projecting:

Oftentimes a man might be terrified of a woman’s beauty, realizing deep down that she’s too good for him and out of his league – at least appearance-wise. What he will do is bring her down by fault-finding to make the playing field level.

Perhaps he is unhappy with himself, with his own insecurities about his weight, hairline, and/or how he presents himself to the world. Typical of this guy is to use self-deprecating jokes frequently as he is so uncomfortable with himself. Don’t let him take it out on you!

4- He is Afraid of Commitment:

A man may cherish you dearly, but being emotionally unavailable, he will find several excuses not to fully commit. One of these excuses is you not being a replica of his imagined ideal. This type also falls under the Immature Guy category and if you ask me, no matter how much you love him, you are better off without him.

5- He Actually Has a Point:

Maybe you let yourself go. Maybe you’re not taking care of yourself, gaining weight, not showering, and neglecting your health and beauty. Maybe you’re not hanging around women and regaining feminine energy and new techniques for enhancing your beauty. I think a guy you’re dating has the right to say something if you have poor hygiene, gained or lost a lot of weight (as it is also a health concern), if you have excess hair or always looking scruffy and unkempt. You can’t ask others to love you and accept you the way you are if you’re not loving and accepting yourself, which I often find to be the underlying reason behind such neglect.

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Yes, he has to accept that you’re human and won’t have the time nor the mood to dress up and be perfectly polished every day, And he also has to be tactful in addressing this sensitive subject. Yet, you still have to do your part in looking attractive and inviting even on your casual days.

Prescription:

Now that we have thoroughly inspected potential causes, here’s a few suggestions that will effectively remedy the situation:

1-Cater to your Audience:

Whether you’re skinny or curvy, fair-skinned or tanned, know that there is a man out there who absolutely loves your features! Like I previously said, if you are a peach, go find someone who loves peaches rather than living in a constant struggle trying to be a banana or an orange. I assure you that this will relieve you from a lot of stress and make the relationship go smoothly.

With that being said, it’s a good idea to emphasize your best features and display them proudly, whether it’s striking eyes, great legs, or voluptuous curves. Just make sure you display the correct degree on the right occasion.

2- Stay Dignified:

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If a man is being rude or disrespectful, stop him right then and there, or simply walk away. You need to teach men that you are a lady and will not tolerate being trampled upon, and it is best to say it in a neutral, non-aggravated tone. You don’t have to fight over every pitiful thing said, you can simply ignore that person and treat him indifferently and he will surely get the message.

3-Tame the Beast:

This will work best with an Immature Guy. Perhaps you like the guy, and think he’s sweet but could use some pruning. If you think there’s hope, then use patience and tolerance to help him grow into a civilized man. It is no wonder that tales like Beauty and the Beast, Tarzan and Jane, and Lady and the Lion are so prominent in the collective consciousness of humanity; women do have the amazing power of civilizing men, children, and bringing balance to their surroundings.

With that being said, don’t allow him to be a sucker and totally rely on you for nurturing guidance. He needs to grow and learn how to be a man. If you gave it a few months’ time and saw no changes, terminate the relationship before he wastes more of your time.

4- The Mirror Technique:

This one is great, as many men feel entitled to point the finger at the world without an ounce of self-reflection. Casually suggest having a nice, wide mirror in his place and how it would be a nice touch, or bring it as a gift yourself. Seeing his reflection while hanging out with you will surely put things into perspective!! You can even jokingly pose and mention something about how beautiful you look or what a contrast it is for you to be next to each other as if you came from different worlds. This is to emphasize the sexual polarity.

Another great mirror is the eyes of others. Try to be around him and his guy friends while looking your best, and they will surely compliment you behind your back, stirring up a bit of insecurity in him as to how he managed to land a beauty like you.

5- Be in your Feminine Element:

It’s always a great idea to take good care of your health and beauty. In this blog, I offer a lot of easy and practical tips and routines on how to do so. If you read on sexual dimorphism and gender polarity, you will realize that the more contrast there is between the appearance of men and women, the more attraction there will be. That is why men love women with super soft skin, an hourglass figure, and long hair. You can emphasize this contrast by wearing heels, colorful dresses, jewelry, and alluring perfume. Enjoy the process of self-care and see it as a relaxing ritual, coming from a place of self-love rather than insecurity.

At the same time, be real with yourself. If you’re overweight, it’s time for some diet and exercise, if you have excess hair, it’s time for IPL.

6-Taking it with a Grain of Salt:

Sometimes, you just gotta take it lightly. People are flawed, and we do make mistakes. If you think that whatever your guy said was just an innocent mistake, not meant to harm you, or instantly regretted what he said, then gracefully let it go.

If you strongly believe that there are far more topics to make jokes about than your appearance, then I totally agree with you. You can notify your man beforehand that you really dislike being pestered about your appearance as prevention is key. If he still manages to mess this up despite the warning, then he must be a special kind of stupid.

7-Don’t Settle for Ugly:

I know this sounds harsh, but sometimes, a woman might feel so insecure that she would date a man who’s not all that good looking (at least in her view) thinking that she will be exempt from scrutiny. What’s fascinating is that good looking people rarely have negative things to say about the appearances of others and can be quite humble. On the other hand, insecure and not so good looking people may have a lot to say about others’ looks’, and will take joy especially by tearing beautiful people down, not only finding flaws in their beauty, but deeming them stupid to feel better about themselves. Perhaps this is the case with you. Know that you are desired and will always have options; don’t settle for someone you find repulsive.

Some people are blessed with exceptionally good genetics, but most of the time, we create our own ugliness by our poor habits and vile attitudes.

Of course, that doesn’t justify by no means judging the not so fortunate looking ones or treating them poorly. Treat everyone fairly and avoid lookism.

8- Accept yourself:

No matter how beautiful and attractive you are, you will find people who may not fancy you. That’s okay, you don’t have to please everyone. In fact, you have to please yourself first and foremost. Realize that these comments often indicate jealousy and insecurity, and keep your head up high. Understand that despite of it all, we are all complex human beings and there is so much more to us than the bodies we inhabit.